Stereotypes in My Own Backyard

Who knew casual chatter between mothers could be so revealing?

Twice this week I have been involved in conversations that confirmed that what I’m writing about here really does matter.

The first involved a couple of moms – one with sons and one with a daughter – discussing the reactions of their children when their hockey team loses a game. Opening with “I’m sure this doesn’t happen in the boys’ locker room…” one woman described how her daughter and her teammates cried openly about losing a recent tournament final. The other mom said that crying does not occur in boys’ games, except perhaps for the goalie because he feels the most pressure. The children in question are seven and eight years old.

I will note that neither woman expressed any disapproval of boys crying, but the fact that one would assume that boys don’t cry when they lose is very telling. I guess in most people’s minds, crying when stressed or sad is not within the realm of possibility for boys. That their lack of outward emotion was confirmed by another parent is both troubling and frustrating to me.

In the second conversation, I heard about the lack of parental involvement on the part of some women’s husbands. I just wrote a chapter in my book about the frequently negative portrayals of fathers in kids’ media, but when I finished it I figured that it wouldn’t resonate because fathers aren’t really like that anymore. Unfortunately, I guess some still are. (I have been sheltered, thankfully, from that reality by a husband who is very willingly and happily involved in all aspects of child rearing.)

While I am grateful to know that I am not writing my book in vain, it saddens me to realize just how relevant the subject matter is.